Friday, September 27, 2013

Memories .......Help Me Abide in the Vine

   I just read about the loss of my Jackson again...tears are streaming down my face. What a way to start the morning. I miss that goat. I  know, to you he is just a goat. A goat who has been gone since February. To me he is still my beloved friend and I still miss him. I still treat my goats in his honor. I still learn from him. I still panic when one seems off because of him. I still save his fiber. I won't touch it. I can't. Not yet. 
   Why did he come here? I can only guess. I know he taught me something about goats I'll never forget. He taught me about their love. He taught me that God created such depth in these animals....and we eat them! But God made them special. This is not meant to upset the meat eaters....but truthfully, I become less of one all the time. I see God in these animals. I can't eat them. They are my friends. 
   If I can see Him in you think I can see Him in people? It can be more difficult at times...that's true. Mainly because people tend to fight so hard not to be what He wants, when most animals are who He made them to be. But I see Him. I try. 
   I am sitting in my bed....but the laptop is on something fire hazards. I'm so tired. Some of you know I've been applying for night work. It's the only kind I've been willing to take so I could be with my family unless it was work I could take them to. Cleaning I can take them. I can take them to the exchange student program. But, it seems the Lord has been speaking. I applied for night work. He never told me to. I don't know what's going to happen....but I've given up the plan. Now I just leave it in His hands. If He wants it. But I don't expect to get it. He didn't tell me to do that. I only want to do what He tells me to do. 
   I did clean a house (for pay) and I am scheduled to clean the outside of a house (for pay). From what I understand, these people want me to clean their house occasionally. It is more difficult for them to do the work. I hate it that with the elderly we don't have a service to help them so they don't have to pay for these things. Like something the church does. I tried to talk to them about not paying me. They would have none of that. You see, the elderly generation is not a welfare generation. They worked for what they have. 
   Today we go to try to finish up some enrollment at college. Myself and my son. The same son I took to school with me twenty years ago. That's the son I'm taking to school again...only he's attending this time. I try not to feel sad at the passing of time. All that matters is what we do with it. I'm not sure I did what I should have with all that time. I tried. Oh I tried. 
   I think about a friend I knew then. She introduced me to health food and whole wheat pancakes. I often think of her when I make them. Because of her I learned that people could live better than I was. At the time I didn't know that. I hold on to things I learned from her...and things I learned from my parents. Things I have learned...good and bad...down through the years. 
   I've needed to sit down and pen something for weeks. I've needed to put part of my heart here. It's tough. I am so busy. How can I rush my heart? It just doesn't work that way. So I've waited. 
   My inlaws are selling the family farm. It breaks my heart. Maybe God will hold it for me? Maybe. But His will be done. His will. He has a place. He has a plan. Best to stick with it. 
   There are many things that go through my mind. Many things I want time to write. Time to express to the full depth. I don't have that kind of time. What I do have is advice. Take each day as your last. Make the most of it. Live for Jesus within it. Time goes by too fast. You will want to look back and know you did what you could. You did what matters. 
   It's early. My beloved went on to work. Yes, Kira....I gave him cuddles and kisses..and smiled at our conversation. I'm not too cuddly....but he works so hard...and he is I do my best. Sometimes I'm up when he goes and sometimes I'm not. When I am up I try to make the earliest part of his day the most encouraging. He's a good man. 
   Now that I've at least partially emptied my heart of least given myself expressive and artistic exercise.....I can go on to the meat of my morning. I can spend my time in the Word. For those who know me and keep up with me....yes....I'm still in the Lord. I love Him. I have times when life gets crazy and I realize I'm not abiding in the vine as I should. I can tell what a basket case I am unless I do abide in the vine. But when I stop and say that I've gotten out of balance...then get myself back in line and "abide" the peace starts coming back. The center will hold if only we will abide. 
   So today I abide......through the efforts I make today I have no one to please except my Father. I will abide and I will trust that each step He has ordered and that He can be trusted to tell me when to take them. Thank you, Jesus, for the reminder. 

This is Goodbye from the Blackberry Patch.....We'll be seeing you soon......

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